Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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