I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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