so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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