Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
