Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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