you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
