i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
