i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
