My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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