Jerry, you need to find god
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
