Only a mothe r could love this liver
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
