hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
