I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
