I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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