is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You are the jesus of drinking
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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