My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
my poor anus
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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