I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We need to get me chipped asap
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
