Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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