i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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