I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
