last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
