what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
