32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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