My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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