never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
