It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
