The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
