low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
