just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
