cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
