I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
