He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
