Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
