SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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