we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am available for nakedness
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
