I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
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In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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