Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Mom said you looked used
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
