Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need to calm my uterus...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
