Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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