I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
