You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't deserve a penis
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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