idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
