I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
