p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
