Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
