just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
