You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
