i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
