We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Im part way to drunk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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