She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
