i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
