Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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