hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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