Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
a search helicopter?!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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