Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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