This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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