Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
