If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
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Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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