Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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