would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
